John Jones Jr.

Hello everybody. My name is John Jones Jr. I'm 47 years young, and I've spent my entire life looking for two things: love and identity. To be honest with you, my pursuit of happiness, or should I say, my pursuit of love and identity, has been nothing but hell.

As a person who once thought love and identity came from outside sources, I spent so much of my precious time and energy looking for people to love me and identify with. I was so eager to be a part of something, whether it was a gang or a relationship. I looked for identity in how I dressed, how I spoke, the music I listened to, and even the things I ate, not knowing that all these things were superficial and could never bring me the happiness I was looking for.

In my pursuit of love, I was so eager to "fit in" and to "be accepted" that I would do just about anything to gain another person's acceptance, only to be let down and disappointed time after time after time.

In looking outwardly for what I needed so badly, I was simply making my heartache and mental stress worse and worse. Never finding peace. Never finding happiness.

What made this so dangerous was the fact that I was so willing to hand over my heart and mind to anyone who would show me a little attention, placing myself into the hands of the wrong people. They took my heart and mind and did whatever they pleased with them.

I'm not mad at them, and I'm definitely not blaming them. I saw the signs and the red flags, but I chose to ignore them because I wanted to believe they were good people. But by ignoring the bad and choosing to believe that all people are good, I was actually making myself an easy target, a target to be used and abused at will.

I spent my entire life trying to please others. Trusting and getting burnt. Running here and there. Doing this and that. Yet never really able to please.

Doing this meant I never had a firm foundation for me to stand on. My feet were never firmly planted, and I became someone who easily swayed any which way the wind blew. I started feeling like I could never measure up. My life was a wreck, and I was lost.

Only recently, well, about three years ago, I had a breakthrough. I finally came to an understanding of who I truly am as a person.

Check it out.

One day, three years ago, I happened to be looking out at the day room from my cell window. I was watching a group of South Side gang members working out. I saw that everything was caged up. The phones. The kiosk. The cleaning supplies. I saw the control area where the correctional officers were keeping watch.

I saw A.K. gang members walking and talking with S.V.C. gang members, and the one thing I noticed about all of it was everybody... EVERYBODY looked like how I felt: miserable.

All of this is going on in such a small bubble. But for the time being, this small bubble is our entire world.

I asked myself, Why am I here?

If faith, family, and freedom are the top three things I value most in life, then why am I stuck inside a cell, in A-Block, looking at gangsters walk around the tier?

Don't we go after the people and things we value most in life? Don't we do the things that bring us closer to the people and things we love most in life?

This was the day I realized who I was, and who I was not.

This was the day I realized I loved and respected myself.

This was the day I realized I deserved better.

I not only knew I deserved better, I also knew I could do better and be better.

This revelation empowered me in such a mighty way, and it changed the course of my entire life.

FAITH. FAMILY. FREEDOM.

These top three values of mine make up the person I truly am. These top three values of mine give me a firm foundation to stand on. These top three values of mine allow me to love and respect myself. These top three values of mine give me identity, purpose, and self-worth.

These top three values of mine give this warrior something to strive for, to fight for, and to stay true to.

These top three values of mine saved my life.

The moral of my story is this:

When we look inward, only then can we unlock our life's true potential.

Faithfully and Respectfully,
John Jones Jr. #47938